Living on Dreams and SpaghettiO’s

Nothing says “single chick” better than a bottle of wine and a Lean Cuisine purchase from Walgreens. It shouts, “No, I do not have dinner plans and no, I do not want to think about it.”

So yes, that was me tonight. I know my Walgreen’s cashier doesn’t judge me (anymore) but if I were to drop a bag of chocolate on the counter I’m sure I would get the stereotypical, “Are we having a stressful day?”response. Chocolate wine? Someone better watch out!

This one threw me for a loop though: I was running late for a movie last fall at the International Film Festival so I stopped quickly to get a soda and a bagel from Dominick’s. Upon checkout the cashier gentleman remarked, “I hope that’s not dinner?” I responded that it was and he reacted with, “Oh girl, you need a man!” I was too shocked to come up with anything witty to say. I believe my jaw just dropped and I said, “I’m okay, thanks,” and sauntered away.

Or how about when I mention that I don’t cook and people’s automatic response is, “That’s why you’re single,” or “You better work on that if you want a man.”

Really?? In this day and age?

If a man is all of a sudden going to change my eating habits then apparently I’ve been dating the wrong guys.

Yes, I have dated the guy who would cook me gourmet dinners but it would always stress me out knowing that I would never be able to reciprocate. It’s not my thing. I didn’t even want to try.

Yes, I have dated the “Let’s go out to eat every night” guy. But that’s not good for the waistline, the pocketbook, or the B.A.C.

And fancy dinners? Forget about it. Sure, I’ll sit there and order my salad and baked potato as you gorge on a filet mignon or lobster tail but you obviously are not impressing me.

But wait, this is about me having to impress the guy, right? By being a foodie? By being a master cook?

If the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach then I have been defying the odds for years. I cut right to the chase and go through the rib cage

Maybe the key is finding a guy who aligns with my eating habits. Easy-Mac? Check. Pizza rolls? Perfect. Better yet, let’s throw in two frozen meals – no dishes, no worries! We’ll spend the extra time cuddling and the extra money on a getaway to an all inclusive where guess what? We still don’t have to cook : )

Maybe cooking is something I will eventually enjoy and maybe it is something that I and the guy I am dating can venture in together. But for now, I’m not changing my habits to try and impress a future mate.

And I don’t want a guy to put on a front for me either. A fancy dinner here and then? Fine. But pretending you cook or are a Gastro Naut – give it up. If you like your Easy-Mac? Great. Your kitchen is flooded with pizza boxes? Perfectly acceptable (as long as I can steal a slice).

So one of the reasons I am single is because I don’t cook? Maybe. I hate preparing anything that has more than three steps.

Which actually brings up the bigger problem: Maybe the reason I’m single is because I don’t have the patience for a relationship…

And as far as the “Living on dreams and SpaghettiO’s” line goes? I can’t even claim that one until I actually own a can opener. I know, lost cause.

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